Bad Words

Let me preface this post with a warning (and grandmothers, this basically means YOU): Do NOT read any further if you will go blind upon seeing/hearing the F-word.

This morning, I was in the kitchen washing breakfast dishes while Max sat watching television in the next room. As I did my chores, I looked down and noticed that the dog was licking a sippy cup that Max had left on the floor.

"Stop it, Abbey!" I scolded her.

Max wandered into the room. "What did she do, Mommy?" he asked.

"She was licking your cup," I replied.

"That fucking Abbey," he said, shaking his head in disappointment.

I seriously don't know where he gets this stuff, but I for one plan to watch my mouth a little more closely in the future. Sheesh.

The Adventures of Batman and Abbey

Here, the amazing Batman shows off his serious punching power...and then gets some support from his trusty sidekick.

Now, we're off to Wal-Mart--wearing the entire Batman getup, of course. Holy rollback prices, Batman!

POSTSCRIPT: Crimefighters never rest. At Wal-Mart, I parked Batman/Max in my cart at the end of a crowded aisle so he couldn't see me picking out his Valentine's Day presents. While I was browsing, I heard Max scream, "OWWWWWWWWWW!" I looked over and saw that a very young and very frightened-looking stockboy had accidentally bumped my cart with his own overloaded wheeled pallet of merchandise. He looked at me apologetically as Max began to announce loudly to everyone within 100 feet: "That man crashed my cart! He hit me! He hit me!" I tried to comfort the young man as he began to blush and stutter, but it was to no avail. All of the customers were now looking at him--this offensive brute who had so callously crashed into the innocent toddler--and he simply turned tail and ran. I hope he doesn't lose too much sleep tonight wondering if he inadvertently incurred a lawsuit.